Real Housewives of DC Makes White Folks Real Mad

In keeping with franchise tradition, not one of them appears to be an actual housewife.

At least so far, any casting office hopes that Paul Wharton might emerge as DC's answer to Da-wight have been stultifyingly dashed. He comes off more like a 5th Housewife version of last season's Alex McCord: so abysmally lacking in skankitude that you wonder if he signed up for the wrong show by mistake.

Or maybe he's there to tell Mary ("Michaele was in her perfectly coiffed riding jodhpurs and boots.") that clothing items do not sport a hairdo.

Clicking around the internets, "Cat," the one who kept bragging about her husband being the Lord High Photographer was just sad. She reminded me of Kelly on RHNY, who seems to get way too much of her sense of identity from having once been married to a famous photographer, who in turn, reminds me of Brody Jenner, who reminds us every 15 minutes that his biomom once dated Elvis.

She seems to be one of those love her or hate her characters - her admiration for a beloved political figure was appreciated by the predictable half of US viewers, while her comment that "all British children aspire to be American children" seems to have resonated a little less with the rest of the world, some even going so far as to disagree with her outright, asserting that British children are quite pleased to be British and do not long to be another nationality.

I tend to agree with those who have questioned whether the show will really be a good cultural fit.

In fact, I predict it will require extensive post-production to keep it from being labeled as "inflammatory," which might not be good for either the franchise or the network.

Stacie has already made herself a mess of enemies.

For a person of color to mention the existence of racism is extremely displeasing to many US white folks, who receive a very real psychological benefit from the belief that both slavery and apartheid happened some time during the early Pleistocene era, and have long been completely absent from the heart of all white Americans with the possible exception of a couple of toothless crackhead Aryan gang members who are now safely behind bars now anyway, so African Americans should, if I may quote approximately 7 squillion internet comments "get over it."

In fairness, people, including white folks, watch these shows for the skankiness and schadenfreude, not to be reminded of bandaids on sucking societal chest wounds or herds of elephants tromping around the TV, both tall orders for any show set in Washington, even if the only cast member with any claim to a "political connection" is the dude that takes PR stills of the current on-camera talent.

I guess Bravo gets props for going there at all.

My guess is that they were maybe targeting an older audience, and hoping that the prevailing viewer reaction would be more in accord with an offline comment I overheard: a polyester-clad matron in a small southern town referred to the DC ladies as "real classy," and went on to declare that they represent her "ideal America."

I'm skeptical that any generation will bestow upon these Housewives the mantle of "ultimate aspirational character" bestowed on Lauren Conrad and The Hills gang.

At least we jaded Snark extremists get our usual helping of the delicious characteristic Real Housewife staple of people with dramatically annoying personalities acting really trashy while tossing around not-so-subtle insinuations about how superior they are to everybody else. ;)

Cat and Stacie may have their share of fans and haters, but the unquestioned stars of the show are "The Salahis."

We may not know the name of the covert Bravo operative who returned from that 1st reconnaissance mission into the mean salons of Washington with orders to sniff out Hamsters Most Likely, who discovered this pair of prizes, but we do know that whoever s/he is, that will be one hard-to-top career triumph.

Ditto for the marketing genius who thought up Operation Party Crash, and double ditto if the same person cast the Salahis in it.

It was a Cultural Fit Powerball, with just the right Golden Drop of subliminal Retsyn (ouch. Obscure allusion to 60s breath mint commercial? Really?)

And now, a moment of silence to acknowledge the awesome power of television - even really bad television. No other force, man-made or natural could so instantly transform a couple of lacklustre practitioners of petty sleaze to Defcon 5 Level Public Enemies.

He, whose principal resume bullets include a spurt of short-term employment related to implementation of business decisions on behalf of some US "key industries," and an equally non-stellar attempt to run the family wine business, the latter culminating in a lawsuit-embellished family squabble, appears to excel only at playing polo.

Michaele, a retail cosmetics counter clerk by profession, had hoped to obtain wealth and fame by becoming a fashion model, but believe it or not, not every blonde ectomorph who auditions is cast, and she will be neither the first nor the last pretty girl who, after an accurate evaluation and assessment of her own natural talents and aptitudes vis a vis the marketplace, accurately determines that her best chance of acquiring a large bank balance is marriage to an already-wealthy man.

The current chorus of US viewers flooding the internets with outraged calls for their imprisonment, tarring and feathering and extermination by live burning are predictable (and I'm gonna guess also predicted) and consistent with the culture, but that any two people of such spectacular mediocrity would inspire such a tsunami of any sentiment among any population is such an incongruous absurdity - and such a monumental feat of marketing, that I predict it will be the opening chapter in textbooks on the subject unto the 7th generation.

It's also, judging from these first episodes, anyway, the DC franchise's one chance at getting high enough ratings to placate the suits in the accounting department.

Bad Girls Club Season 3 Premiere

I finally watched season premiere of Bad Girls Club, and once again was disappointed that Cami from Laguna Beach is not among the cast.

At first glance, though none shine with the radiance of a Tanisha, or the fundamental dysfunction of that Season 1 girl from the Mennonite community, Whitney is my initial pick for entertainment potential. (Suggested Drinking Game: every time Whitney mentions "Baah-ston," take a shot).

After breaking into the house, the girls eagerly obtain sex toys and hooker shoes.

Kayla ges a vibrator from the convenient in-home vending machine, and claims that she has never owned one before. She expresses confidence that the Bad Girls Club experience will bring unity and enlightenment.

The girls go out for an evening of brawling, but return home after being ejected from only two clubs.

Amber M. suggests to her fellow Amber that they look for men, but Amber B. complains that there are only "Chinese" and some unintelligible characterizations present, and asserts that she does not "date outside her race," but that she would be nice to an African-American person who came into a club, but that Mexicans are "a little different" because she thinks they are illegal.

Amber B offers to pay the other girls to clean up after her, and expresses a desire to tell "Asian jokes."

The Ambers soon find themselves somewhat isolated, and Amber B, who wishes to employ her roomates as household staff and tell Asian jokes begins to wonder if the Bad Girls Club is right for her, as she emerges as the most isolated of the two, probably because only the other Amber was around when shared her thoughts about African-Americans and Mexicans.

Amber B later delivers a smirkful "apology" to Kayla and Ailea, and the girls decide to try to put their disagreements behind them and dine out.

After they have been ejected from the restaurant, they are nevertheless provided with go-boxes for their food, but Whitney is angry, and shares this with Kayla.

Kayla's anger management issues have been prominently featured in all the girls' outings, but this subplot is nearly completely subsumed by the discomfort of the Ambers.

It is impossible not to wonder whether these girls realize, when they sign up for the show, that there may be an ethnically diverse cast.

This is not the first time I have gotten the impression that producers of a reality show, motivated by a desire for "drama" and "good TV," have made very deliberate casting decisions to put hamsters into an environment in which not only will they feel very uncomfortable, but that will actually be at variance with their beliefs.

Although bounds of good taste may not be a concept frequently heard in discussions of the genre, it is, in my opinion - an opinion which is, by the way, amply backed up by even a cursory glance at the history of Reality Television, not to mention the unexplored and under-touched elements of even this single episode of this very show, that this is not only a practice which smacks of questionable ethics, but even leaving such niceties aside and examining the question under the cold hard lense of business, unnecessary to not only achieving, but surpassing, ratings and revenue goals and objectives.

Note: My apologies to both if I have confused the remarks, etc of the respective Ambers. Although I have categorized them rather broadly as "blondes," they are actually that particular flavor of blonde who has obviously put a great deal of work into closely resembling each other as much as possible. My remarks should not be taken as an accusation that either of them was born with yellow hair, or any reflected aspersion against the millions of people who were, and who look nothing alike.

Lindsay Lohan Brings Colored Back: Politeness and The Power of Words

At first, I thought that the reason I reacted with such uncharacteristic annoyance to that story of Lindsay Lohan referring to an African-American politician as "colored," had to do with the lack of reaction I perceived on the part of other people.

Only TMZ seemed to have even noticed it, and all round the internets, the loyal brigade of sincere young girls who love "LiLo" seemed either unaware of it, or if they were aware of it, argued that their idol should be "given a pass" because she was probably just "out of touch" with the fact that it is not considered polite to refer to people as "colored." Hope is expressed that nobody will stoop so low as to suggest that she is a racist.

Now if we were talking about somebody who had just emerged from a lifetime spent in some isolated little Town That Time Forgot with little or no access to or interest in, media or the outside world in general, where the cutting edge of technology consists of the local diner's recent purchase of a microwave oven, and most people in the town have never heard of, just for an example, Lindsay Lohan, they might have an argument.

But we are talking about a girl whose entire life has been spent in Hollywood, who was processed through the Disney machine, complete with classes about How to Talk to the Press, and while I guess that you could argue that no one would have thought to mention, even as far back as those days of Lindsay's little girlhood, way back in the 1990s, that neither the "n-word" nor "colored" were good vocabulary choices when referring to people whose ancestors, or some of them, came from Africa.

The reason it is unlikely that such a thing would have come up is that it is not likely that anyone at Disney, which is, when it comes to grooming their little stars, pretty thorough, that it would be necessary to mention this particular fine point of conversational etiquette.

So, realizing that I leave myself open to charges of insensitivity to the very strong and very real feelings of her millions of very real fans, and without intending any disrespect for those feelings, Bzzzzzt! Wrong.

Lindsay said "colored" because that is the word she uses.

"But maybe it just slipped out."

Maybe it did, but things cannot "just slip out" if they are not there.

"You are saying she is a racist!"

I have no way of knowing whether she considers herself a racist. Whether she and I would agree on what constitutes being a racist is not, in my opinion, relevant.

"So you are saying she doesn't have the right to ---"

No. She has the right to use any words she wishes, and have any opinions, attitudes and beliefs that she has, and should anyone suggest otherwise, I would not hesitate to engage, and hard.

So what is it then?

That is what I have been obliged to ask myself, and in that process, because it is Lindsay Lohan, it has been impossible for me to fail to recall that this is the same young lady who not too long ago, passed an evening engaged in activities that had it been you, or I, would have resulted in charges of carjacking and hostage-taking, just for starters, but Lindsay "got a pass," and was charged with possessing cocaine.

"OK but you have to understand that she was under a lot of pressure, with her family problems, and her career, plus she was using drugs then, so..."

And the same could be said of many people who are currently serving double-digit, if not life, sentences for carjacking and hostage-taking.

I'll bet that almost every single one of those people was under a lot of pressure, with family problems, job and money problems, plus they were using drugs, so..."

So, while they rot in hellish prisons, Lindsay is free to go clubbing and party hearty and give interviews to Access Hollywood.

"Why do you hate Lindsay so much? Why do you want her to rot in a hellish prison?"

I don't. Hate is not something that has a place in my own personal emotional repertoire, and even if that were not the case, I don't know Lindsay, so how could I hate her?

Nor do I want anybody to rot in a hellish prison.

But I think that this is a road that no one would wish to go down, as it begs the question as to just why society "hates" all those people who committed carjackings and took hostages because they were under a lot of pressure and had problems and were using drugs so much that they want THEM to rot in prisons, not to mention why those prisons are hellish.

That is a whole nother show, a whole series, in fact, the one point that I am making here is that the "double standard" for the behavior of celebrities is such a deeply ingrained value, such a cherished belief, that it not only exists, but suggesting that it should not makes people angry.

"Um, OK, you lost me. You still haven't said why you are so angry at Lindsay."

That is because I am not angry with her. I may be, however, just a teensy bit angry with the power of words.

While many of my generation take serious umbrage at the "claiming" of the "n-word" that has taken place in recent years, as it has effortlessly found its way into everyday common usage by millions of African-American youth, not just in conversation, but in the lyrics to popular songs as well, I have occasioned my own share of outrage by taking no umbrage at all to speak of.

Frankly, it neither bothers me nor upsets me one bit to hear the word used by young people in casual conversation, nor in popular songs.

Used in its traditional way, however, and by people who do not identify themselves primarily according to their African heritage, I do find the term offensive, although at the same time, I acknowledge the right of those individuals who wish to use it to do so, and in fact, I appreciate it.

"Ew. Why would you appreciate somebody saying the n word?"

Because a racist who is upfront about it presents less of a danger to me than one who is not. Would you rather come across a rattlesnake, or a snake that looked just like one you could pick up and play with?

"Double EW! Snakes are totally gross!"

OK. Would you rather have someone leave a gun in your home that looked like a ball-point pen, or one that was obviously just a regular gun?

The power of words.

The last time anybody called me "colored," they were telling me I couldn't use the public restroom that had toilet tissue, sinks with running water, and paper towels. And it would have in fact been illegal for me to use that restroom, and illegal for that person to let me use it. We could have both ended up in a hellish prison.

The sign on the restroom that did not have any of those amenities did not say the "n-word." It said "colored," because "colored" back then, was the polite way to refer to people of color, specifically African-Americans, because in that time and in that place, most people were aware of only two different kinds of human being, white and black, or "colored."

The one question I do not have a good answer for is why the expression "people of color" is perfectly fine, and "colored" is not.

Why should two similar expressions be so different in meaning, in acceptability, politeness?

The power of words is the only thing I can come up with. I like words. I like putting them together and making sentences. Maybe that's it. Maybe I just want to be the one with the power over words, I don't want the words to have any power over me, so when something happens that demonstrates that I am no different from my contemporaries at whom I have rolled my eyes and pooh-poohed their outrage over their kids listening to songs whose lyrics include the "n-word," their daughters calling each other, and their friends "bitch" and "ho," it annoys me.

Turns out I am not immune to the power of words, after all.

"I'm confused, you said Lindsay was being polite, right?"

I am quite sure that that was her intention.

"OK, sorry. I thought you were trying to say, like, something bad about her. She really is always, like super-polite."